SIX MONTHS!? SECHS MONATEN?! HOW WHAT WHEN IT WAS JUSt CHRISTM.. god damn it.
Six months came and went and left a certain innocent little Rowan constantly astounded by the rate that time is soaring on by. And hey, I know this is ain’t your first rodeo and you have all heard this where-did-the-time-go rant many-a-time and are probably thinking, jesus, after six months this kid has yet to figure out that time constantly in motion, all the while while I continue to chill in a foreign country completely baffled at how little there is left of this adventure.
How little there is left… That is a scary thought. Because I know me, and I know that I will never be ready to leave this new home that I have found, not really.
On the topic of time and its passing, a little realization has struck me recently after hearing a comment from someone’s who’s opinion I very highly respect. The comment was something outlining that (concerning my relationships here in my German school) I tend to be a “hoverer” in friendships. Quite frankly, I was initially taken aback by this comment, because I would call myself a fairly extroverted person, and also one who is (or at least tries to be) a very active participant in my relationships with people.
But I think what really got to me was the pure truth around the comment. Make no mistake, I still believe I am extremely lucky with my placement and the people who I am fortunate enough to spend by days with are beyond wonderful and extremely kind to me, but I do still feel as some of the friendships established here are sort of, well, empty almost. I do have a number of people who I have gotten to know well, and who I consider to be good friends who I will miss terribly upon leaving, but I am still waiting on a deeper connection.
At the beginning of this journey, I blamed this slight disconnect on the language barrier, as I do firmly believe that does make instituting genuine strong friendships a little difficult. As my exchange matured and I became proficient in the language, I started to realize it was more than a language barrier. For a while I guilted myself, attributing this problem solely to my own behalf, which is something to an extent I believe still to be true. But it is definitely more than even that.
The thing is, Germans are coconuts. Yes, coconuts. Coconuts in comparison to people from other countries or continents being more comparable to peaches - soft, friendly, easy to breach their walls and build up a friendship with. Germans on the other hand are a little more tricky, a challenge to break into to say the least. And I say this with the sincerest of sincere endearment, because I love Germans, and I think that if you manage to crack open a German and have them open up to you, you gain a strong and genuine friendship with someone who really cares about you.
But it is difficult. Really difficult. And I’ve tried and tried and for a little while I sort of gave up. But then this whole time concept comes into play and I realize now more than ever that I do have this giant countdown time-bomb strapped to my chest and heart and there is not an abundance of time left anymore. With three and a half months left I am scared that I might leave this place without doing all that I could do really meet people for who they are.
So I have decided something, to which I condemning to truth by writing about, and that something is that I vow to myself to extend my efforts with people from now on until the day I am thrown into a plane with a broken heart because of the people I am leaving behind. I want to start asking people, already-friends, acquaintances, or simply interesting-slightly-not-strangers to something simple, like a platonic coffee date or a hike or anything, and ask them questions they think they are too closed off to answer, because what does one owe to a stranger, a curious foreign peach who has an undying lust to dig into what lies below a coconut’s hardshell? It shall be an interesting experiment to say the least. And I will probably cross a couple of lines, but I know in my heart of hearts that if I manage to make even just one connection, strengthen one relationship to an extent previously unachievable, it will be worth it.
So here’s to the beginning of the end of the end of the beginning (thanks Jo), to breaking a couple of coconuts (that sounds unintentionally morbid), and to (hopefully) new exciting things to come.
